jagged pieces reflect past the surface
by winteredspark
Summary: /She traces the words poor lost souls into the palm of her hand and watches the skin pale as black ink drips./ Or, pieces to a whole.


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**- jagged pieces reflect past the surface - ****

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i.

"Sometimes I wonder if you even believe in imagination," Harper says.

Alex smirks as she tips sugar into her mouth - the sweet, sweet taste nearly blocks out the voice in her head screaming _nobodybelievesinme. _

"Maybe people just don't deserve to see my imagination," Alex says at last.

She doesn't find it fit to explain: Harper already covers imagination and beyond, so why should her best friend try?

**ii.**

Riley, Dean, Mason - they all have something in common.

("Well, they're all guys," says Max. She thumps him.)

**iii.**

Max. Or Maxine, as she is called now. Max, Max, Max.

Alex fires a spell that is supposed to turn jello into chicken pot pie (and wonders in the process what the point is of such a spell) and instead sents a swarm of magical locusts zooming about the room.

"After years of training you still cannot manage to control yourself," her dad says.

She curls into herself and offers him a simple shrug because it's all done now and she can't change it so there's no point in elaborating. Some part of her - she's trying desperately to hide it - misses Max.

At least when he was around there was someone worse than her at wizardry.

But now Max is going to become the family wizard and she can't do a damn thing about it (because, hello, she doesn't do studying.)

**iv.**

Justin: the know-it-all, the brain-iac, her annoying brother.

"I can help you," he offers one afternoon when they're watching TV, "catch up in the wizarding competition, I mean."

Alex looks at him for a long moment (because in this family there is always an ulterior motive or a stab in the back) and then asks, "Why do you want to help me?"

It's a damn good question and she wants to see how he'll answer it - maybe some part of her is waiting for the perfect solution to spill from his mouth because he always has a plan. He has to have a plan, one that will save her yet again.

Justin pauses, hesitates - and for a second Alex wonders if he's as lost about all this as she is - and then says, "We're in the same boat, so we may as well work together."

She traces the _words poor lost souls _into the palm of her hand and watches the skin pale as black ink drips.

**v.**

Her mom never wanted a life like this, Alex thinks, a life where the manipulative powers of magic become reality and a life where a family is forced to hide everything from those around them. But she chose it anyways.

"Would you be happier if we decided not to be wizards anymore?" She asks Theresa on the terrace one crisp evening in November. Leaves fall in indescribable patterns - they float through the skies like ballerinas - and a sharp wind sends dark hair whipping.

A long pause ensures.

Then Theresa smiles and pats Alex's shoulder, "You wouldn't be."

Sometimes, when Alex really takes the time to think about it, she wishes she could be more like her mom (because when you sacrifice it can't be all about _mememe._)

**vi.**

Alex used to be daddy's little girl.

During the day she will find herself dozing off as she remembers swinging in the park with him and reading bedtime stories and practicing simple spells while he lectured patiently.

But all little girls grow up.

**i.**

Some days Alex will sneak down into long forgotten alleys (because that's where all the hidden artists go.)

Today her fingers dip into colors that make up the rainbow and she spends hours kneeling in front of a brick wall, her eyes narrowed in focus. Because some part of her wants to prove Harper wrong; because she doesn't always wish to be overshadowed by her best friend's outrageous outfits.

Today she will stand up on quivering legs and eye her artwork appreciatively - it was supposed to be a picture of the sky but now it remains a blur of colors and that's okay because _not everything needs to be orderly_.

Especially not imagination.

**ii. **

There's something in common between every boy Alex has ever dated or fantasized about.

To them, she's just a girl. Just a completely ordinary girl with absolutely nothing special about her except maybe the way her eyes sparkle or her smile "blinds them" (and isn't that a lame line that's been used on her a few too many times.)

To them she's just Alex Russo: an ornament they can show off by wrapping their arm around her shoulder and leading her around, a prize they can boast by placing kisses on her cheek and treating her like she's a goddess in public.

She hates it.

(and then there's - _no_, she can't think about it because otherwise it will only hurt more when she realizes she can't have him.)

**iii.**

Max is fast becoming a master of manipulation.

He (or she, if you go by outward appearance) leans over their dad in Alex's old clothes and gives the puppy dog expression and gets whatever his little heart desires.

Alex wraps her arms around his neck and leans her head against his (but it's not the same anymore) and remembers how her brother used to be, how the world used to turn normally on its axis.

Max has taken her throne as Queen of Getting-What-I-Want and all she can do is storm away and snap about the injustice of it all to random people on the street.

**iv.**

She stays up and watches the clock travel past midnight and then one in the morning.

"Magic," Justin tells her as he paces back and forth in the lair, "is all about concentration."

She rubs her eyes (and remembers that she's totally not a stay up late kind of girl) and snaps, "How the hell am I supposed to stay concentrated when all my brain can focus on is sleep?" It's not fair of her to snap at her brother like this, Alex knows, because they're trying to work on the whole amiable sibling relationship.

Sometimes she gets tired of trying to act mature, though (and no one else thinks she even tries; but their lack of faith doesn't hurt her, not at all.)

Justin doesn't snap back. He only ruffles his hair and sighs quietly to himself while flipping through another dusty spell book - because he's the good child and will never be in danger of losing that honor. But Alex knows beneath his nonchalance that he's disappointed in her.

Her eyes lock with his and for once she allows him to see a bit of what she's fighting with. "We're never going to catch up to Max, are we?" She whispers as Justin steps closer.

He pulls her into a tight hug (and she never wants him to let go because _then she'll be alone in this again_.)

Alex falls asleep in her brother's arms.

**v.**

Alex watches her mom and dad embrace in the kitchen.

"Ew," she proclaims, "get a room, please." It's really rude of her because, in fact, she's not that disgusted by the way her parents kiss each other.

It reminds her of sacrifice and love she hopes to find for herself one day (but she'd never tell any of them that.)

Her parents break apart and Jerry heads downstairs to probably hide another item his wife is set on selling. Theresa holds up a paper with the letter_ F_ written on the front - her mother's eyes scream of storm clouds and yet more disappointment, a sting that never truly fades.

"Alex," Theresa scolds. "I thought you were going to do better."

"I tried," is all Alex says, and it's the truth but nobody is going to believe her. They all think she's determined to fail out of school (when the fact is that some sort of inspiration is currently missing from that facet of life.)

But it makes Alex feel sick to her stomach when she sees the expression on her mom's face. Her mom has given up so much for this family and Alex probably makes her regret every choice.

(she presses her fingertips against the faded letters on her palm and whispers _poor lost souls _to herself.)

**vi.**

Alex completes a spell successfully for the first time in weeks (and she hopes nobody catches the quick look she and Justin share.)

Every late night is worth it to see the pride on her father's face. For a second, she's daddy's little girl again.

**i.**

Alex spends countless nights hovering over a single piece of paper, the soft press and scratch of the pencil the only sound in her room.

She hugs Harper in the hallway at school.

"What was that for?" Harper asks when they part, her fingers smoothing down her homemade Twix skirt.

"For reminding me about inspiration." Alex hands Harper a single sheet of paper and watches her friend's forehead wrinkle as she attempts to discover exactly what had been drawn.

Pointing to the drawing, Harper asks, "What is this exactly?" She's smiling, however, so Alex knows she likes it.

"I don't know," Alex shrugs, heaving her bookbag onto her shoulder. "It sort of resembles a meatball, though - hmm, I'll let you figure it out."

Something clicks into place and inspiration is found (and Theresa finds a straight C report card from Alex Russo on the kitchen counter.)

**ii.**

She determines boys are useless and gives them up for the time being.

(because she is perfectly special without a "man" by her side; besides, it all feels like betrayal in the end.)

**iii.**

"I think I found a way to change Max back," Justin tells her one evening.

She flings her arms around him and squeals excitedly into his shirt (and even though Alex doesn't normally squeal she feels that she can make an exception.) She's not even aware the words _thankyouthankyouthankyou _are being said until he laughs and pecks her forehead.

"You're very welcome." Simple words never meant so much.

So they get Max back - and she shouldn't have gotten her hopes up because he absolutely hates them for changing him into a little girl.

"I never want to speak to either of you again," Max hisses in her face as he pours syrup all over his egg salad sandwich. Alex feels something shattering (and it might just be her heart) even though she knows Max's moods only last for a day or two.

This feels different, heavier somehow.

**iv.**

She comes to him because she doesn't know what else to do about Max.

Tears blur out everything; she falls and he catches her.

(_breathing hitches and limbs tangle together in a beautiful way - _

_- and for once the guilt of betrayal doesn't sink in_.)

"Justin," she whispers afterwords as he weaves his arms around her and pulls her to rest on his broad chest. "Justin, what have we done?"

No answer.

**v.**

She wraps her arms around her mom and just hugs her.

"I love you." She doesn't say the words enough, or doesn't mean them when she does. She means them now.

**vi.**

"Daddy." She finds him kneeling in front of a vase that Max has just shattered (and what do you know, it's the same vase she broke so many times.)

Her world rights itself as she sees Max trying to think - because it proves he's truly, truly back.

"Daddy," Alex says again. Jerry is sitting in the armchair with a glazed expression on his face.

Finally, however, Jerry turns to her and says, "Max has decided to postpone the family wizard competition."

She throws her arms around the both of them and remembers just how family should be (and how she wouldn't trade hers for anything.)

**(i. ii. iii. iv. v. vi. **they shape who Alex is more than she could ever imagine. some pieces are smooth, some jagged, but when every piece comes together they reflect something beautiful past the surface of her chocolate brown eyes. they show who she truly is.)

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**_fin. _**

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_****I really liked how this came out and hope you do as well. If it seems confusing, just think about it this way: i-vi represent different people in Alex's life that really impact her and I broke it down individually to try and paint a clear picture for the readers. **


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